Supporting someone who is struggling

Sometimes, a person needs support from someone close to them to feel better. You can be there for your family, friends, colleagues, or other people in your life in many ways. The most important thing is that you give time and attention to the person in need. Talk to them, and listen without judging. You can talk about anything — not just about how the person is doing. Just by talking, you are showing that you care, and are willing to listen. This can make it easier to open up about more difficult topics. Planning something fun to do together is another great way of supporting someone. You don’t need to be a mental health expert to support someone in need.

Ways to support someone who is struggling

It’s not always obvious that a person is having a hard time. If you are concerned about someone, try to connect with them, and ask them how they are doing. It can be hard to know what to do when someone in your life is struggling, but the most important way to show that you care is to reach out to them, listen and offer to help.

If you talk to a person who is struggling:

• Don’t be afraid to ask them how they are feeling. Try to choose a time and a place where you can talk without being interrupted. Sometimes, talking might be easier if you are doing something else at the same time, like taking a walk or going out for coffee.
• Respect that they might not want to talk. The person you are asking might feel like their problems are too private to discuss, or they may be ashamed of how they are feeling. Don’t be disappointed if the person doesn’t want to talk. Again, the most important thing is to show that you care. Tell the person that you are there for them if they change their mind.
• Listen openly and without judgement. Show that you are listening by nodding, and making eye contact. Ask follow-up questions if you don’t understand. Avoid giving advice right away or talking about your own experiences. Try to validate their feelings by telling them that what they’re going through sounds hard. Ask if anything can be done to improve the situation. Have a soft touch. If you are tough on the person, suggesting they 'pull themself together' or 'just tackle the problem', it’s likely to only deepen any feelings of stress, shame, or guilt they might have. Remember, simply being there and listening is enough.
• Be hopeful. Tell them that you believe it will get better, even though you understand things are difficult right now. Offer to stay by their side while things are tough, and remind them that many people who struggle and feel hopeless eventually do feel better. You can also help them find the right mental health resources. This is especially important if you are worried about the things the person has told you.
• If a person is really struggling, encourage them to get professional help. You can’t be the person’s psychologist, but you can help them find one. Offer to help them book an appointment or go along with them to see a therapist. Make it clear that you will be with them until they get help, and after. If you feel that other people should be aware of the person’s situation, ask them if it’s ok for you to tell another person they trust about what they’re going though, and widen their circle of support.
• Suggest doing something fun together. People often feel better after doing something they enjoy. This could be going out for coffee, taking a walk, watching a movie, playing football, or many other activities. Doing something new together may also be helpful, as new activities and environments can lead to new relationships and sources of motivation. People tend to feel better if they can stick to healthy daily routines when they are struggling. If someone you know isn’t doing well, invite them to go to the gym with you, or study together, or maybe take walks. Do something that the person feels up for, which isn’t too demanding.
• Be patient. Show that you are there if the person wants to talk or do something. Get in touch and stay in touch, even if the person isn’t as social as they usually are.

Helping someone find professional help

If you believe that the person needs more help and support, you can help them navigate the available resources.

Seeking professional help can be difficult for a person who is struggling. It might be hard for them to know what to say to a therapist or psychologist, and it can be difficult to be fully open and honest as well, especially when it’s someone’s first time. When first meeting with a doctor, therapist, or other mental health professional, they will talk to the person to assess their situation and determine what the next step should be. They might refer them to someone else, or schedule a follow up appointment, depending on how urgent the situation is. This is a good first step, though the person might leave the appointment feeling that their immediate need for help has not been met. They may feel dismissed, or bounced back and forth. So, on behalf of the person seeking help, it is important that you ask the professional to be specific about the next stage – ask who will be in contact with them, or if someone else needs to be contacted, as well as where and how this will take place.